We love to laugh and we love Border Collies — so here’s our collection of 21+ Border Collie jokes, from groan-worthy puns to ones that will actually make you laugh out loud.
More of a memes person? We’ve got you: Top 10 Funny Border Collie Memes You Need To See
📋 Jump to a Section
One-Liners & Puns
A Border Collie breeder has 7 Border Collies in his backyard. But when he rounded them up, he had 10!
You don’t have to tell a Border Collie a joke twice. They HERD you the first time.
Are you thinking of names you may be collie-ing your pet?
A Border Collie farted on an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels.
Q&A Jokes
What did the Border Collie say to the bartender?
I’ll take a gin — life has been ruff.
What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a flower?
A collie-flower!
How many Bulldogs does it take to change a light bulb?
None — they’ll ask the Border Collie to do it.
Why do people think Border Collies are such good listeners?
Because they act like they always HERD you.
What do you get if you cross a dog with a vegetable?
A Broc-COLLIE!
What do you get if you cross a Border Collie with a hyena?
No idea, but if it laughs, I’ll join in.
What do you call a sleeping Border Collie?
Anything you like — just very quietly.
Why do Border Collies hate the rain?
They don’t want to step in a poodle!
What is a collie’s favourite condiment?
MUST-HERD!
What’s round and green and chases sheep?
A Melon-collie!
What’s a Border Collie’s favourite musical instrument?
The dinner bell!
Stories & Scenarios
A sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, then reports back to the farmer: “All 60 accounted for.” “But I only have 57 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
Two Border Collies are going to sleep on their farm. Suddenly there’s a loud noise from the sheep area. Chester the Border Collie jumps up: “Did you hear that from the sheep, Barney?” Barney the Collie: “Of course I herd them.”
A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm. A nearby sheep yells out: “YOU don’t work hard — all you do is boss US around.” “WHAT DID YOU SAY?” shouted the Collie. “You HERD me,” the sheep replied.
Help needed. Our worst fears have been confirmed. My wife is allergic to our Border Collie. We have no option other than re-homing. Could someone please find it in their heart to help? She is reasonably house trained and can be very loving at times. Her name is Michelle and she is 44.
Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German Shepherd, and I’m as nervous as a cat.” Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”
Find more: Top 10 Funny Border Collie Memes You Need To See and 37+ Funny Dog Jokes
